i love accidental penises.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
My vagina just clenched in fear
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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