Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
