I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
