i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
