Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize