I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
