new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
