I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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