Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
