I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
