hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
