The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
