she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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