i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize