Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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