yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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