Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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