xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Randomize
