What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
you traded sex for a burrito?
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
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