Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize