just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
