I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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