My cat gives me a boner
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
