There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
