I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize