i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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