They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
