Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
