is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize