I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
