my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
We need to get me chipped asap
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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