Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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