I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
