What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
And then my night got REAL pukey
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
