Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
