Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
