Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
