the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
