my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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