my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
