I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
