Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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