i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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