that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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