I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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