I'm gonna have a badass scar
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
