Umm I'm too high to move.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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