Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Randomize
