sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
