I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize