shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
