Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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