What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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