Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
