it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
