considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
True strength comes from lack of pants
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
