She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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