"it" just moved
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
